11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
