four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
