are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
