is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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