i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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