Pappa wants mamma naked
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
