I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize