Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
