When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
