you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
