i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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