how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You are the jesus of drinking
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize