I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
