You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize