Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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