It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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