Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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