Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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