Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
