fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
