Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
