in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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