yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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