Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
