Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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