it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
