I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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