ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
