Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
