did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
