I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
its liver damage thursday
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
