i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
