I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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