if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
