there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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