youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
