2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize