what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
