So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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