I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
