god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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