I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
