there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
