so that wasnt chicken after all
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
