Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
