eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
