So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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