Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
