O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
