So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
