so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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