Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize