Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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