you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
