i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
