shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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