so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will be naked everywhere
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
