She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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