Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I love having hate sex.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
