It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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