Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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