he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
