I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
