she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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