Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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