I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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