I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
