The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
