I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
