I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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