i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize