she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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