there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We are two peas in an std pod
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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