hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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