found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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