dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she told me i tasted like america
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
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