White coat. Heels.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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