I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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