It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
