TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
