It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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