weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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