I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've blown a few things in my day
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When did angry sex become our thing?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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