This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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