I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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