drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize