she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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