a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
