Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You made out with two different species that night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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