Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
