the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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