i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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