i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
