I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
