i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
