His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
