He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
