I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
