Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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