All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
