You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
